Epic Fail

So I'm biting the bullet and I'm confessing (again) - that I haven't been sticking to my diet plan and that includes my goals to remain GF for 5 out of 7 days a week.  Oh, and I haven't been exercising.

As my guy friend would say...

"Womp, womp"

That would be the sound effect that you get from experiencing an epic fail.

For those of you that don't exactly know what it means to fail epically it means to fail without even trying.  Literally.  Or at least I'm pretty sure that's what it means.

In all honesty I did try...for about a week, but I didn't give it a very good effort.  And that Swap-Bot swap that I thought for sure would hold me sooooo accountable?  Well it got cancelled.  So once it got cancelled, I stopped caring, AGAIN.

Why is this so difficult for me all of a sudden?  It was so easy to lose that first 30 pounds when I started back in January.  I didn't have temptations, I stuck to my guns, I exercised every night because I had to and I knew that.

So what is my problem now?

I don't even know.

I don't believe it's TOPS because I stopped caring about the accountability of TOPS long before I stopped going.  I do believe that not having a scale at my house was a big factor so I bought one this weekend (if I don't know what I weigh then I don't need to care!).  Just as I expected I've become obsessed with it, weighing myself basically every time I'm in the bathroom.  I hope it's just because it's a new "toy" and that the novelty wears off soon because that's EXACTLY why I didn't have a scale to begin with.  I also believe that I allow myself to get way too comfortable at home after work, thus giving me "excuses" as to why I'm not going to the track or riding my bike.  It's TOO EASY for me to SAY I'm going to work out outside at home.

So here we go again.

I weighed in this morning at 168 lbs (never mind that point whatever that comes afterwards).  So this is about where I expected to be.  Thankfully I haven't left the 160's, but I'm teetering WAY too close to doing so.  I'm also going to be 100% honest here and say I ate more than half of a FULL SIZED package of those Vanilla Oreo Fudge cookies.  I went all day doing really well and then I sabotaged myself when I went out to the grocery store to buy ONE THING and the proceeded to NOT exercise, AGAIN.  I don't even LIKE Oreos and I even said to myself after one that they were "too sweet" and "not what I expected".

Needless to say what ever is left I'm bringing over to my aunt when I go visit her this week.

It doesn't stop there.

I took a nap, A NAP and then when I got up I also ate half a box of the Special K Cracker Chips.

Yup.  It was ugly.

I have an ugly relationship with food.

I brought my gym clothes with me to work today, I have no excuse not to go.  I went back and stocked up on my trusty Lean Cuisines, so there's no reason for me to buy something on the way home that gets handed to me in less than 5 minutes.

These are my basics:

Gym

Lean Cuisines and salads

Sandwiches for lunch

Homemade egg mcmuffin for breakfast
MyFitnessPal

Rinse and repeat.

I am going to make an effort to look into a different gym though as I've always whined about Planet Fitness, those of you that have been with me from the beginning know that.

So that's where I'm at.  I've come clean, I've fessed up and I've let it be known.

Boy, I sure hope that in my next life I'm a skinny bitch.







By the way, did you enter my giveaway for a copy of the MyMemories Digital Scrabooking Suite?  It's a $39 value and I don't have many people entered!  I know a lot of bloggers are hosting the giveaway right now, but if you enter on more than one site you have more chances to win - so get your name on the list!!

Back on the Wagon (sort of)

So I've decided once again to go back to blogging about my food.  It's all about accountability and remembering why I started this blog.    Hopefully those of you that have joined me along the way won't mind my food posts and I promise it won't be the only thing I post about, but it is something I need to do.  For now anyway.

Firstly let me address some of my goals for August!

1) Ride a total of 100 miles on my bike.  Now this isn't in ONE bike ride, no thanks.  This is just accumulative for the month - shouldn't be difficult.

2) STICK WITH C25K!  I feel like I've been doing Week 3 Day 1 for the past month and it's because I do it, and then let a week ago by and not do it again and well...I suck at it.  I suck at controlling my breathing, my newish sneakers give me terrible blisters on my heels (I ran last night in old sneakers, which are terribly wore down but it was MUCH more comfortable).

My workout set up is basically going to be: C25K (M,W,F) Biking (S, TU, TH)

3) Go gluten free 5 out of 7 days a week.  I'm trying this more so for health reasons than weight loss.  I don't think I have a terrible wheat intolerance, but I don't think it sits well with me.  I'm always so exhausted, laggy, bloated and generally I don't feel well.  This is my life in all honesty, I don't know anything different from these feelings and I've kind of just "dealt" with it so now I'm going to attempt to change it...by self diagnosing of course, haha.

Of course I still want to plan on the usual tracking of food, drinking more water, allow one free meal etc. etc.

I'm participating in a swap on Swap-Bot that requires me to keep a weight loss journal for the entire month of August.  I think this will help with accountability as well.

If you're wondering where TOPS fits in, it doesn't.  I'm thankful for the jump start that TOPS gave me, I'm thankful for the 32 pounds I lost doing TOPS but the meetings had become a chore for me.  Once something that was enjoyable to me becomes a chore, I don't want to do it and TOPS wasn't any different.  There were a lot of reasons behind this that maybe I'll get into at some point, but I'm comfortable with my decision.  Maybe someday I'll find myself going back, but right now I don't.

I don't have a scale right now, but my last weigh in at TOPS was 163.5 and the last time I weighed myself was when I babysat a couple of weeks ago and I was sitting at 167.  So over the past two months I've kind of hovered around the 5 pounds gained area and that's fine.  I know it came and went and came and went...and that's part of the maintaining game.  I don't know how much I weigh now but when I find out I'll be sure to let you know!

So anyway - what did I eat yesterday...

Breakfast is pretty consistent for me.  Not only did I have this yesterday, I had it today and I'll probably have it for breakfast the rest of the week.

Eggs and bacon!!!  I mix it up between sunnyside up and scrambled.  My scrambled eggs (2) were especially yummy this morning (210 calories).

This is what I bring with me to work.  For lunch I'm having Honey Nut Chex (I have a carton of milk that I keep at work) and a fruit.  Today I had grapes (pictured), yesterday I had an apple.  I've included two snacks, a 100 calorie almond pack and celery with ranch dressing.  Yesterday I had cucumber AND celery but my cucumber slices are starting to get that old slimey taste so I didn't pack those today.

Yesterday for dinner I had two chicken breast tenderloins (don't ask me why I bought tenderloins instead of the regular breast pieces but whatever), some corn and grapes.

I had an evening snack of a 100 calorie popcorn and a cup of chocolate soy milk.

I ended up getting really sick last night, I had a super bad headache and I think it just made me really sick.  I ended up seeing the popcorn I ate last night and needless to say I don't want to eat anymore popcorn ever again.  I'm still feeling the effects of that headache, I think there are multiple causes for it.

So there you have it.  I've had the same thing today to eat, however tonight my mom is making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner that I will not be passing up.  I've considered buying some GF spaghetti to cook for myself, but instead I'm just using it as an "almost GF day" and using this as my free meal for the week.  It should be delicious!

I'm looking to get back to my lowest TOPS weight by the end of August and that is 160.  It's not going to be easy because I've let so many bad habits creep in, and I've got a lot of excuses I can use to make myself not reach that goal (it's too hot, it's summer, it's my birthday, it was free).  Of course I still have another 25-30 to lose after that so I guess the ultimate goal is to do it this month and KEEP it going until all the weight is gone.

So with all that said I have one little request before I let you bop onto the next blog in your Reader...

My lovely friend Janette is asking her friends to go vote for one of HER favorite bloggers over at So You Think You're Crafty.  Currently her friend is in second place, let's get her into FIRST!  Take a second to click the link and vote for #1: Flapper Dress Photo Op.  I heard Janette is giving out road fried eggs, knock off HOH keys and surveillance videos of her front lawn to anyone that votes. 

 

THANK YOU!!!

Weekly Wrap-Up

EDIT: I totally had this linked up to something that it really shouldn't have been linked up to.  My mistake!  Either way, I still wanted to give you all a wrap up of the week.  If you're here from the link up, sorry!  If you're one of my usual followers, well you know I love you! :)

Can I first just say, HAPPY FRIDAY?  4:30 can't get here fast enough!
Onto the week...
I'm finally (sort of) back on the diet bandwagon.  I've gained 5, yes 5 pounds since my Memorial Day camping trip, so that's over the course of what?  Three weeks I guess.  I'll do an official Fat Ass Friday link up sometime this weekend to be honest with myself, and with all of you, but to say that I'm 100% back on board would be a fib.  I've been doing OK with exercising, I've been trying different videos and doing C25K.  My shins are OK as well...icing them right after working out seems to help.  My favorite workout video right now is Crunch Cardio Dance Blast.  This is my most favorite work out video EVER and I was so thrilled to have found it on instant play on Netflix because I lost my copy when I moved and haven't been able to find a replacement.  Next up on my queue are a bunch of DWTS workout dvds....we'll see how they go.  I have 2 left feet so it's difficult for me to find dance videos that I can actually keep up with.

I haven't done any biking really so I'm hoping to get a good ride in this weekend, although I'm not sure what the weather is going to be like.  Some foods that I've been enjoying this week include:
Red grapes - seriously!  I didn't realize how much I loved grapes, but these really hit the spot.  They're sweet and refreshing.
Wasa Crackers - I picked these up on a whim grocery shopping this week because they were so low in calories and I find they make a perfect lunch with chicken salad.  Three crackers and 2 oz of chicken salad is about 150 calories.  Pair it with a cheese stick and grapes, there's a lovely little lunch.

Newton's Fruit Crisps - I had tried these when they first came out in the apple, but wasn't overly thrilled with them.  For some reason I decided to try the Mixed Berry and I LOVE them.  They're like blueberry pop tars!  And only 100 calories a package!In other news...
My life has been taken over by a teen drama called Make It or Break It.  It's one of those epically terrible ABC Family shows that follows the lives of four elite gymnasts that are eyeing for the 2012 London Games.  It binds my love of the Olympics and terrible television together and has made me a zombie since last Saturday when I first started watching it on Netflix.  I watch it every free chance I get....seriously, I didn't even watch The Bachelorette Monday because of it.  I'm ALMOST done watching all the episodes, and I'll be devastated if I find out they're done making episodes for it because I NEED to know if these girls are going to the Olympics.


I wish I could say I have good news about the job that I posted about here, but I really don't.  I went for an HR screening interview on Monday and was told that I'd hear back sometime this week if they wanted to set up a manager interview with me or I'd hear in writing if they wanted to pass on me.  I think I would've heard from them by now if they needed me to come in again.  I'm upset about the missed opportunity because I think I would've really enjoyed the job, but I'm mostly upset that I'm still stuck in my current position.  I also have to say that the interview really didn't leave me with a good feeling when I left - it was cold and scripted and made it difficult to get personal with the HR person (who wasn't that friendly).  I can honestly say I've never had a bad interview, but this definitely wasn't that great.  Either way, I was practically in tears 15 minutes into my morning today because of a jerk technician and I've just had it with this position and am seriously itching to get out ASAP.
My guy friend loved his frame (or at least did a good job of acting like he loved it) and because of my "awesome gift" he allowed me to watch Make It or Break It last night.  I love when he lets me watch what I want and in general just sitting next to him and enjoying the evening.  It had been way too long since I had seen him since he was away last weekend!

I sent out two swap packages this week.  A Swap-Bot swap and Becca's Flip Flop Exchange.  I had a lot of fun putting the packages together and I hope both of my swap partner's enjoy them!
Up on the plate for weekend would be...not a whole lot.  Like I mentioned I'd like to get a good bike ride in and I would like to visit the new coffee shop down the road from me for a bagel one morning.  I have some serious cleaning that needs to be done, for one person I make awful big messes in my apartment!  Hopefully everyone had a lovely week and is enjoying their Friday!

It appears as though...

I got home from tonight's quickie bike ride just in time. About five minutes after I got home it started pouring, with crazy winds and pea sized hail...

Funny how hail makes me run outside like a little kid but the second it thunders I run inside screaming.

It's so hot in my apartment though, it was nice to sit outside in the wind and rain!

First real exercise activity in a week (not counting hiking as exercise,that's more of a leisure thing for me).  I did a quick bike ride as my legs are still not 100%.  Today my upper thigh of my left leg ached all day, again another really intolerable pain.  Not sure what that is.  Apparently I just have general issues with my legs.  Not ok.    Here's my favorite picture from Saturday's hike by the way...

It's not much of a hike time wise, it's a pretty steep 20 minute tuck up a mountain in a little town called Warrensburg, NY.  It's nice though because it overlooks the whole town and to the north you get great views of the lower Adirondacks.  The black flies were vicious!

The bike ride was not without warrant BTW, I did grab Wendy's on the way home today for dinner.  I don't know why I'm sabotaging myself right now but I've got get it under control.  It took me 5 months to lose 30 pounds, I don't want to spend another 5 months RElosing it.  Honesty with myself and you all is key.

So you all know about my job situation, I've been applying to many ads without much luck.  They're either A) fake - thanks Craigslist! or B) filled.

However today I got a call back for a position at a national insurance company (the insurance company I use for my car none the less...discounted insurance anyone?!)!  I'm stoked, I had to send back some paperwork to take a test and we'll see where it goes from there.  Better pay, better benefits, but about 30 minutes further away.  I have worked an HOUR away from home before, in vicious traffic.  The good news is this is WAY before the vicious traffic AND it takes me through Saratoga which is nice as it's a pain to go down there, but they have Old Navy.  I miss Old Navy.

Oh and it pays about $2 more an hour (granted that will probably be what I pay in gas) and has better benefits.

I'm sold.  Wish me luck!

Hope you're all enjoying your evening!  I should really be cleaning my apartment for company tomorrow, but I'm too busy blogging and watching Cars (yea I can't help it it's one of my faves...I'm like 6 at heart).  KA-CHOW!

Hi My Name is Amber...

And I'm an emotional eater.

Over the past day or so I've come to realize how much of an emotional eater I am.  I never used to think I fell into this category.  I thought my weight issues were strictly out of A) Laziness B) Due to love of food or C) Boredom.  I never associated my emotions with eating nor did I associate eating with emotions.

Since Friday though I feel like I've been engorging on everything in sight.  I've been going for Taco Bell runs at 11:00 at night, I'm eating whole bowls of rice, entire bags of chips, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches like it's my job, not to mention the Wendy's, pizza and buffalo wings.  Most of these things I'm eating when I'm not hungry at all.

I've eaten a few times over the past few days to where I've felt sick afterwards.  Today for example after I ate a whole cooked bag of rice, I felt sick so I went to lay down and ended up falling asleep for 2.5 hours.

I haven't exercised in a week, partially because I'm afraid of having the shin issues again, mostly out of laziness and lack of desire.  I haven't binged or felt so lazy like this in over 6 months.  I haven't even cleaned my apartment.

This all makes me very nervous.  For one, I've been through this before.  Two years ago around this time I was holed up in my bedroom, living with my mother, playing 8+ hours of World of Warcraft and eating bags of chips and McDonald's for meals.  I was prescribed anti-depressants at the advice of the counselor I was seeing at the time, and I did continue to take them even after I wasn't able to see her, but after about a year I just stopped.  I did't feel I needed them and I didn't care for some of the side effects.  I do NOT want to fall into that trap again. I do NOT want all of my hard work to go down the drain because I've had a few emotional days.  I still have 30 more pounds to lose, and I want to lose them, but right now it's so difficult.

So that's it.  I keep saying, "Tomorrow I'll do it", "Tomorrow I'll pick it back up", "Tomorrow I won't leave work and stuff my face" but I've yet to make it happen.

What are some things you do to get yourself back on track??


By the way, thank you so much for all of your positive words, encouragement and support from my last post.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it!  I know I've kind of been a Debbie Downer and I totally understand if you don't want to read it, but please know you girls are all so special to me and I'm still enjoying reading all of your entries on your blogs. :)

PS:
I almost forgot to mention!  I know a lot of you have been having some challenges with Blogger, signing in and leaving comments and such.  The witty Mimi over at Living in France mentioned a little fix a couple of days ago.  Perhaps this can help you, I just took it directly from Mimi's post here, thanks Mimi!

Its a problem with a faulty cookie from a few weeks ago.

You need to log out and then go to the Tools section of your browser and under Internet Options, delete your temp files, cookies, etc. Should be one button that does it all.

Then after it's done with it's sweep go to the blogger homepage and before you log in, press F5.

Then log in, but don't click Remember Me.

That solved the problem for me and now I can comment on everyone's again. I hope that works for you. It sounds complicated, but it only takes a few minutes.

Did you hear....?

Hines and Kym won DWTS!

Woop, woop!

I won't lie, I was surprised Kirstie came in second, she's got some pretty devoted fans!

I wanted to share that I'm OFFICIALLY a member of the Adirondack Mountain Club (finally).  I signed up for it a month ago and got my membership package in the mail yesterday.  I was so excited!

Now I feel like I can reach out and participate in the outings, although it seems like a lot of them in the next few weekends are all High Peaks, which although I want to start on that this summer...I'm NOT ready to start yet.  This weekend however we'll be hiking Goodnow Mountain, which will be my first hike of the season and...a fire tower!!  My favorite!  This is a picture of a fire tower from last summer, Hadley Mountain:

So I can't wait to start doing outings and volunteering for the organization.  Also, see that Ididaride pamphlet?  That's for a 75 mile bike ride in Indian Lake.  Not sure if I could do the 75 miles, but I know for sure I can do the smaller 20 mile option. There are a couple of things holding be back though: I don't want to be laughed out of the ride because of my $150 KMart bike and it's kind of expensive to register...so we'll see.  It's in August.

My diet is going really well right now, I think I've gotten a second wind if you will!  Today I did day 2 of the C25K program.  I took Monday and Tuesday off because I was BEAT.  Today was a LITTLE rough, but I pushed myself through.  Food wise...I've discovered what allows me to stay full and satisfied throughout the WHOLE DAY:

Yes.  Eggs and bacon.  Two eggs and two slices of bacon come in at 210 calories.  And yes!  I've actually been cooking it each morning!  It's the perfect breakfast, I could pretty much eat it every morning for the rest of my life, although I'm not sure it would be good when considering cholesterol numbers.  And look how perfect those eggs are!  I bought myself a fancy new frying pan (I have cheap crappy cookware) so each day my breakfast comes out perfect.  This seriously holds me beyond lunch time, but I have been having a banana around noon and then having a lean budget gourmet and small salad for lunch around 1ish.  It's working out really well.  I've also been allotting calories for my favorite bike treat...

Yes, I always get a kiddie twist, :)  After I did my wogging (I guess is the proper term?) I came home and ate dinner, then decided to go for a quick bike ride to get my ice cream.  This isn't my FAVORITE ice cream shop by any means (although I did have that last night), but it's close by.  About two miles round trip.

Oh btw, dinner today was spent like this...

That would be me, on my laptop, in my bathroom with my dinner on my knee.  Why you ask?  Well when I was walking back home I noticed the little baggies of Jesus papers on people's doors.  When I was cooking dinner, I saw the Jesus people across the street and I KNOW they saw me.  I wasn't in the mood to chat today, I really just wanted to eat my dinner in peace.  

So I quickly shut the door, locked it, grabbed my dinner and ran into my bathroom.  See my living room doesn't work because well...there's a door there and my bedroom wasn't an option because I don't have a working outlet in there (don't ask).  So...the bathroom it was.  DO NOT JUDGE ME.

I'm spent!  I feel like I'm way behind on my sleep because of DWTS, The Bachelorette and sleep overs.  I'm normally in bed by 9:30-10:00 (yes, you can start the old lady comments now) and the past few days I've been hitting the sack around 11:30-12:00.  So I'm off to visit my pillows now!  I hope everyone is enjoying their evening!

21 Days....

Thursday I read an entry on Janna's blog about this woman who basically transformed her life through diet and exercise in 21 days.  The idea being that it takes 21 days to get into a good habit.

She told herself, 21 days.  If in 21 days I don't feel better, I can go back to doing what I was doing before.

I'm constantly on the journey of self improvement, and I find I tend to either:

A) Fall flat on my face

or

B) Come up with all these wonderful ideas of new things to do, but just never follow through

Option B being the most popular.  I'm a HUGE culprit of starting something and not finishing it.

There are things I want out of my life...

I want to be healthy

I want to be organized

I want to be positive and be full of energy

I want to be happy


Am I going to get all of that in 21 days?  Well...probably not.

But I definitely can set some goals to help me get there, and I can get started with 21 days.

After reading Janna's post and finding that other bloggy friends were on board I sat down and thought about what I want to accomplish in 21 Days.

I will...

* Create a cleaning/organization plan and follow it.  This will be heavily influenced by www.flylady.com.

I have already started this, again...one of those things that I started, but didn't follow through with.  This is really important to me because I feel like I don't have a set routine for ANYTHING during the week.  I come home, eat and work out by either going to the gym or riding my bike.  I don't pick up after myself, I don't do my dishes, I don't take my garbage out...I save it all for a whole day on the weekend.  And if I'm busy that weekend?  It doesn't get done.  This causes me to be overwhelmed, stressed, embarrassed and frustrated that I let it get that way.  There has to be a better way, and routine is going to help.

* Start the C25K program.

Running is so scary to me, I always said, "I wouldn't even run if someone was coming after me to murder me!"  But you know what?  Running is great exercise, running is NEW exercise...and I'm getting bored.  Particularly with the gym (my bike I can ride for days).  So now that the weather is nice and I can run outside (I'm afraid to run on the treadmill) there's no excuse.  I'm envious of all of you wonderful ladies out there that are doing so well with this program, that I'm officially inspired.

* LOG EVERYTHING I EAT

I used to be SO good with this, and as time has gone on...I've just stopped doing it.  I need to get back into it and I need to be honest with myself about it.  I find that on the days I go off, those are the days I don't log.  It's an honesty thing and I think it's a good chunk of why my weight loss has staggered over the past two months.

*No fast food!

My goal for this week at TOPS was no fast food, and I need to continue it.  I found when I started to eat it again (after going a good four months without having ANY) I started craving it.  And I started allowing myself to have it, and that's a slippery slope to bad habits.  I'm extending this goal over 21 days.

And lastly...

*Have a good sleeping pattern.

This includes, going back to that waking up at least 30 minutes earlier than I already do idea that I started a month or so ago.  I really enjoyed that.  I enjoyed eating breakfast, watching GMA and getting some time to gather my thoughts before I head off to work.  And then, like everything else, I fell out of it.  I'm going to stick to it, and I'm going to keep it up on the weekends too by setting a "time to be up and out of bed on weekends" time.

So this is a lot to accomplish in 21 days.  I'm not expecting to have great success with it all, but I have myself SET UP for success.  I've researched FlyLady, I've set up my cleaning schedule, I've download the C25K app, I've printed out spreadsheets for my menu planning...

I started this over the weekend.  I enjoyed a fast food (including pizza) free weekend, kept track of everything I ate, shined my sink both nights and started C25K today (and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be!).

Checking in for Brandy's Fat Ass Friday real quick...

Starting weight: 192
Last week's weight: 165.5
Current weight: 165.0
Weight +GAIN / -LOSS this week: -.5
Total weight lost: -27.00

Oh...boo, hiss half a pound.  I banish you from my life!!!  To be fair, I had Chinese, pizza and who knows what else during that week, so I'll take the half a pound.  This week however, I did really well.  REALLY well.  And you know what?

1.5 til half way.

I feel like I've been saying this for months.

But I feel like this week, this is the week.  Tuesday, here I come!!

(sometimes I really wish I had a scale to reassure myself that I did well this week)!

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend.  I enjoyed a 18.5 mile bike ride yesterday and had a fairly lazy Sunday (although like I mentioned I did the C25K).

A couple of pictures from my biking destination yesterday...

The first two pictures are of Lake George, and the last is a picture of some wetlands that the bike trail crosses over...about halfway between where I started and Lake George.  I love the mountains, so I'm constantly trying to get pictures of them...I take more pictures of Lake George as a local than most tourists probably do!  The day was beautiful and warm (although a little windy at the lake) and it was a real enjoyable ride!

Egg Rolls!!!!!!

Seriously.

I can't stop thinking about egg rolls!  I want one!  I NEED one!

I took my mummy to a buffet yesterday for Mother's Day hoping they'd have egg rolls there...they didn't.  But they did have a delicious "sweet and spicy pork ribs".  I may or may not have ate way too much...but it was what she wanted!

Egg rolls, egg rolls, egg rolls!

Anyway...

I'd like to take a minute to clairify one of my confessions from Friday.  The one about me breaking up with some blogs.  A couple of people genuinely thought that I would break up with them, who I would never imagine doing so!  It seemed the bloggers that mean the most to me were questioning if they were commenting me enough or keeping up with my blog.

That was NOT my intention.

I am NOT a greedy comment whore!  I love each and every comment that is made on ANY of my posts, hell it amazes me that people even READ my entries let alone comment on them.  I'm blessed to have had the opportunity to meet some awesome people through blogging and each day am meeting more and more individuals, it really has opened up a whole new world for me.

Without giving too much away, my frustration came from:

Blogger A: Who never awknowledged my exisistance no matter how many times I commented on their blog (which was pretty frequently).  This upsets me because...it makes me feel STALKERISH!  So in an effort to avoid feeling like I was stalking this person, I stopped.

Blogger B: Who hosts a link up that I participated in frequently and I never heard anything from this person...EVER.  Not the times I linked up, or the times I commented on their blog...after thinking about it I thought, "Maybe I'm just spoiled because Mamarazzi, Shawn, IA, Janette and Glamazon all do such an AMAZING job or replying to MY linkups that they do way more than anyone else in the bloggy world does!"

Which...very well could be the case, so let's take a second to cheer on these ladies because combined they host MORE than THREE link ups a week, some of which have over 60 participants!  That's a lot of responding to people!

But that's what I'm after...being made feel like I'm NOT a stalker.

Replying to my comments to you helps that!  And you don't have to reply to EVERY one, becuase you just might not have something to say to me in return (and that's OK!)...but just help me feel less stalkerish...that's all.

And I certinately would hope that people that comment on my blog do it because they genuinely want to share something with me, and not because they feel like they have to...because well, then it becomes more like work, and if I hate work...then I expect everyone else to as well. :P

So that's that.

Although my weekend was less than productive (extremely so), I did have a very productive evening!  I did a total cleaning of my car (trust me, you wouldn't have wanted to see a before), I got ripped off by selling back old DVDs for quick cash (including entire seasons of shows for a mere $5...Yea...good thing I bought them used to begin with) and had a good workout.

Tomorrow is weigh in and I'm hoping I lost that damn .5 pound as well as at least another .5.  I feel I did fine this week, although I did eat a lot of turkey tacos and mac and cheese at the buffet....

But weekend calories don't count, right? ;)

Fat Ass Friday

I'm checking in for Brandy's Fat Ass Friday!  Are you dieting?  Are you trying to keep your girlish figure?  Are you trying to become a super marathon runner?  If so you should go link up because well...there's a chance to win some great loot!  Oh and Brandy is pretty awesome too. :)

WEEKLY STATS:
Starting weight: 192
Last week's weight: 166.5 (I didn't check in last week, but I lost half a pound)
Current weight: 167.0
Weight +GAIN / -LOSS this week: +.5
Total weight lost: 25.00

That's right.  I had a gain.

This was my first gain since I've started dieting.  My first official weigh in was on January 4, 2011.  I went 15 weeks straight losing weight!  Can you believe it???  Because I sure can't.  I can't believe I stuck with something for that long, let alone be successful with it.

I'm OK with this gain, because I NEEDED it.

I was getting too comfortable eating my McDonald's, pizza, milkshakes and Taco Bell.  I kept saying, "I can eat this because I keep losing weight anyway!"

Well it was nice that lasted 2 weeks (more like 3) but that's enough.  No more half pound losses, no more fast food, no more pizza (for now anyway).  Time to get my butt back in gear and keep going with the stamina and steam that I had when I first started.

And I have to say it's been GREAT!  I've been doing really well with food (being poor helps), I got new motivation with my Excel spreadsheet that I created AND my workouts have been consistant and I haven't been making up excuses to not go (last week I think I went to the gym a total of 3 times...3.  I normally go 6 times a week!).

I'm hoping this steam will flow like the steam I had when I first started back in January...almost like this is a NEW January!  I don't think I'll reach my goal by my birthday like I intended, but I do hope to have 15 pounds or less to lose by that time, and for that to happen I have to keep going.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Organization Event

I've been inspired.

I've been inspired to be ORGANIZED and have a proper order to everything in my life...well, ok...not EVERYTHING, BUT I've started off with, you guessed it...FOOD.

Because well, food is my life.

I know I should think of food as fuel and not life, but...whatever.

I ENJOY FOOD AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO ADMIT THAT!

But anyway...today while I was working hard I got inspiration to create an Excel file to help me with menu planning/calorie tracking.

Now let me give you a little bit of background:

A couple of years ago I got a pretty incredible job opportunity as a technical trainer.  I basically taught people how to use computers and I had a specialty in Microsoft Office.  I didn't get certified before I left the company and I wish I did because it'd be a hell of a thing to have on my resume.  Although it was an enjoyable job (for the most part) and it paid well and had awesome benefits, there was a lot that I couldn't stand so I only did it for about two years.

The point to telling you this is I walked in barely knowing how to use Excel (I charmed them in my interview) and I walked about being an advanced user and a HUGE fan.  I used Excel as much as I could and I loved learning about all of it's capabilities (seriously, Excel is AWESOME). 

My thought was to create a workbook that would allow me to easily plan my meals for each week as well as have it bring over the calories for each food item.  I had some functions in the back of my head that I knew I could use, but I was afraid I had forgotten HOW to use them since it's been a while since I've used any of them.

Needless to say it was a success!  I'm so thrilled with the final product, I did have some help with some cosmetic stuff so I can't take ALL the credit, but I accomplished what I wanted.

This is an example of what it looks like:

Below the Grand Total row there is a blank section titled "Shopping List".  The idea is to plan out your meals, print the sheet out, write out a shopping list and then keep your menu on your fridge for reference during the week.  I think it'll help with time AND with me sticking to my caloric intake each day.

This is a rough test of it, I was still adding to the food database and testing at this point.

So anyway, I wanted to brag because well...I'm pretty impressed with myself for it.  I'm hoping to eventually encorporate it into what initially inspired me to do it and that was couponing and budgeting, but that'll be a while down the road.

I'll also have you know I got a swift kick in the butt at TOPS this week, causing me to wake up when it comes to my dieting (more on that for FAF).

I do have pictures of all my meals from today!

For breakfast I've been eating old cereal that I've got to eat up in my cupboard (I'm poor, I spent too much on Arbonne at my Princess Party :x ).  This is Cascadian Farms Organic Chocolate O's.  With some applesauce (yesterday I hate my last banana as I prefer fresh fruit with my breakfast).

You can't really tell what this is but this is actually Panera's french onion soup.  What I do is I'll buy the soup for a group and I can usually get 4-5 lunches out of it (I've been eating it all week).  So this is a serving, with a piece of the baguette and a granola bar.  I actually did NOT eat the bar, which is what I love about this soup, it keeps me FULL!

Dinner consisted of meatless/soyless chicken nuggets, fake mashed potatoes (my favorite, I know...I'm a sick freak) and a salad, with FF Catalina dressing.  This was such a good dinner!!!!

I found these fancy chocolate chip cookies that are "nutrient packed" - I'm not sure how true that is, but they're delicious.  I can have 2 for 100 calories...

I also had some pretzels!

Exercise - 30 minutes on the elliptical (3.10 mi) and 15 minutes on the arc trainer.

What has inspired YOU lately?

Most weeks - three days isn't even enough...

Wow, my three day weekend came and went faster than my two day weekends.  So sad. :(

I'm sitting here watching Monday night's DWTS trying to think of what to blog about tonight - I really don't have anything that's jumping out at me, but I felt the need to blog since well...I haven't in a couple of days!

Weekend recap...

Saturday and Sunday were both enjoyable days.  Saturday I completed some errands and got to hang out with my favorite boy - who BTW threw a fit because I asked him if me wearing eyeliner made me look old (I got this from comments that people made about Kate Middleton's make up at the wedding).  His response,

"I just told you you looked amazing, and I'm not your gay best friend."

OK

*eyeroll*

Sunday I spent a lot of time playing The Sims.  I go through phases where I love playing this game.  I don't necessarily like the game play itself, I just like building and designing houses and I'm quite pleased with my latest creation!  I also visited my BFF Alicia while she was working and let me just say she's got the best weekend gig in town!  She works in a little shop that in the two hours I spent hanging out with her got a total of 3 customers.  And she's making $10/hr with access to a computer in which she was given permission to do what she wants to on it!  Score!

Diet recap...

Eh.  I could've done better food wise in general all week - I also drank a lot of beer Saturday night, like...a lot.  Good news is I'm super poor because I went over my budget at my Arbonne party so I'll be living off of cereal, soup and bananas for the next couple of weeks - that should warrant some loss, right?

In other news...

I'm LOVING the salt scrub that I got as a hostess gift from my party Friday.

It smells AMAZING and leaves my skin SO soft.  It also basically leaves oil on your skin so you don't have to put lotion on after you get out of the shower.  Some people might not like that feeling, but I use baby oil gel as a moisturizer anyway so I'm used to it.  My skin is really important to me and I'm thinking I might be Arbonne's newest big fan, I'm even looking into what it will take to become a consultant!

Do you sell/organize parties for any kind of company?

In DWTS news...

We're only halfway through the show so I'm not sure who I want to go home yet - I didn't really like Kendra's dance, but the judges liked it and I usually really like watching Chelsea and Mark, but didn't care for their dance this week either.  Kirstie is also lacking some hard core energy tonight (that dance just finished).

I'm not going to place a bet on who I think is going to go home since last week I was devastated by Jericho.

Monday Mumblings

I'm sure you all already are well aware of my disdain for Mondays.  In general, I'm no fan of any day of the week and I think it has something to do with this thing called work.

I'm going to be flat out honest here and say I don't like my job.  It's boring, it's stressful I don't much like dealing with people's issues with our product, I don't like having to manage/oversee individuals and there's a few people at work that I'd rather not have to see/hear on a daily basis. 

So why am I working there?  Well I haven't had a job for longer than two years since I've graduated college for various reasons, but I'm starting to think it's looking bad when I hand out my resume.  So I feel like I need to stay here for a reasonable amount of time.   I also accepted this job when I didn't have one so I was in no position to turn it down, however it's not exactly what I thought it was going to be.  I also have a feeling they want to dump more stuff on me, and to be honest, I'm not interested.  No amount of a pay increase would make me interested either.

There are some things I do enjoy about my job.  I have a really great supervisor, I enjoy the "office duties" aspect of it like filing and clipping papers together, I got a really big Christmas bonus when I had only been there a month and I can e-mail my friends and browse blogs when it's slow.

But I have to admit I had to think long and hard about those positive things.

I feel stuck.  If you read my last entry, I HATE that feeling. Hate.

Alright, I'm done whining now.

I had a lovely weekend.  There was an expo!!!!!

The Adirondack Sports & Fitness Summer Expo.  So of course my expo partner in crime and I went.  I particularly enjoy this expo because of all the event booths there are.  It's interesting to see all the bike and running races that go on in the area.  I also enjoy seeing all the toursim booths.  This year they had a free photobooth!!  Of course we took advantage...

They also had OWLS!  Look at this little guy...

He also had a friend...



Scream 4 was super fun, thanks for asking!  My bff Alicia and I both agreed that it made us feel really young (nostalgia) and really old (the kids in the movie were like 16?) at the same time.  It was conflicting.  We had a good time and it was exactly what you would expect from a Scream movie.

Tomorrow is weigh in.  You're probably thinking, "I know I know, you ate like crap."  and really?  I did.  I had fast food more than twice, I ate cake, I ate ice cream, and I had more than one milkshake.  I need to snap out of this funk and I think I have to go back to posting my meals and blogging about my exercise. 

For anyone that didn't follow me then, this blog was initially a weight loss blog so I would post photos of my meals with calorie count each day.  It made me accountable to myself.  I've NOT been logging what I eat and obviously I've NOT been posting about my meals here on my blog.  Need to get back on track.

So be prepared to see some food pictures - and if you don't, YELL AT ME.  Email me, post nasty comments and do NOT let me get away with it!!!

I hope everyone had a great weekend!

April Showers...

It's raining pretty hard off an on outside right now and it's soooooo soothing to listen to.  I've missed the sound of rain.  I've missed rain on a warm evening.  This reminds me that spring is here.  Do you hear that snow???  You're not welcome back anymore!

How about that hottie violin player on DWTS tonight??

Mondays are the worst.  Yes, I totally had a case of the Mondays today.  I kind of have a case of the Mondays everyday.

What happened at work exactly?  Well the day dragged for one, and one of my coworkers kept interrupting and butting into every conversation I was having with my supervisor.  I mean seriously, he's in another room - why yell over, you're not even a part of the conversation?

I will be the first to admit that I really shouldn't work so closely with other adults.  I have little patience for them.  I'm currently looking into figuring out how to get some training in medical transcription and how much time and money that is going to cost me.  It's not something that will happen over night and currently I have about $40k in in student loans that are in forbearance and collecting interest so I've come to accept I'm going to be in debt for the rest of my life, what's another $2k?

My heart is beating and I'm on the verge of having an anxiety attack just thinking about all the money I owe.

College was one expensive mistake.

 I got a bike to replace my old one with the flat tire this weekend.  I went to change the tube in the flat yesterday and the whole bike literally fell apart in my hands.  I'm not sure what happened to it, or how it ended up in such crappy condition.  Actually, yes I do, I didn't take care of it as well as I should have and I didn't secure it as well as I should have.


I probably should've used the extra money I had from a third paycheck this month to pay on my student loans and not buy a bike...


Whatever...

It's basically what my old bike was - nothing fancy, my budget was $150 and this met that.  I will say that it shifts gears a lot smoother than my old bike did.

It was SO beautiful out yesterday - after running around trying to find a bike, I took advantage and did some riding on the trail system by my house.  I also did some biking today after work.  I'm not terribly familiar with this end of this particular biking system, although I've traveled the system from Queensbury to Lake George before, I haven't ridden the Hudson Falls end since I was about 10 years old.  I've decided it's kind of creepy, although today it didn't bother me as much as it did yesterday.

There are some really great picture spots on this particular trail as it follows many lock systems, I was going to get some to post but I got caught in the rain.

I did make it home right before hardcore downpour...

I really enjoy riding my bike, I covered about 6 miles both yesterday and today, but that's only about 200 calories.  I don't have time to ride AND go to the gym - but I feel like I get a better workout at the gym.


Speaking of calories, let's not even discuss what I ate this weekend.


I'm expecting my first gain of my TOPS experience tomorrow.  It's going to be really embarrassing for me because everyone expects me to always lose.


Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution starts back up again tomorrow and I'm so thrilled.  If you're not familiar with Jamie Oliver or his Food Revolution, where have you been?!  Jamie (AKA The Naked Chef) has such a big heart and his drive is so inspirational.  His goal?  To teach families, children and schools how to cook good nutritious meals.  Seriously, it's that simple, and such a foreign concept today.  If you haven't watched the first season, I highly suggest you go back and watch it, you can access it on www.hulu.com.  Hopefully the TED video below works - if not just go to www.ted.com and search Jamie Oliver, and while you're there check out the other TED videos, some of them are really great.  I also highly suggest the founder of Twitter's speech.  I don't care about Twitter and haven't ever done it, but the speech had a pretty big impact on me and where we are going technologically speaking.

 

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend, here's to a swift week!!